Chatting to the Opposite Sex

I begin with the name of Allah the Most Merciful, the Very Merciful.

The topic in discussion is one that will surely create some controversy amongst the minds of many. Some of you may read the first paragraph and decide you would like to read no further. Others may read the entire post and quietly dismiss what is said. However I place a small request before you: please do ponder upon what is said. Jazakmullahu Khairan.

You may all agree that having a physical relationship with a non-mehram is totally forbidden in Islam. And if one was to transgress these boundaries then punishment would be the inevitable consequence. However, if one was to put it simply then we would agree that any form of communication that is likely to lead to ones carnal desires being aroused, is strictly forbidden. One does not know whether one's desires will be aroused or not - though there is always a possibility, hence such communication is forbidden.

By communication I mean conversations between a non mehram man and a woman in person, or via the phone, even by a mere look and yes, let me utter the deadly words, the most common form of communication amongst non-mehrams is taking place on the internet. It is the most easiest form and sadly it is succeeding beyond measure in corrupting our minds and leading us astray.

(Let me stress, this form of contact I am referring to is one that is kept unnecessarily, there are instances where non-mehrams can communicate which I will clarify below)

This post is specifically directed at MSN users. To be more precise I am referring to the chatting between non-mehram men and women that takes place on MSN. Or to be more exact, the chatting between men and women (who can marry) that takes place out of mere pleasure and which is not necessary. It seems these ‘chats’ that are taking place in today’s age has become the norm. We no longer consider it to be an evil act but instead it seems to be encouraged.

It is a plain fact and you all must be aware of it. To speak to a non-mehram man or woman, in particular on MSN (without a necessity) is islamically not right. The reason why I have targeted the usage of MSN is because this has become the most common and easiest form of prohibited communication between men and women that is taking place.

Having a conversation on MSN between a non-mehram man or woman (without a necessity) is zina. Yes this is such a strong word and you may object at such a word being used. But readers, this is no extreme way of putting it, it is a fact whether we approve of it or not. Chatting on MSN to a non-mehram for one’s own pleasure is committing zina of the hands, eyes as well as the mind. How? You may ask. Zina of the hands is committed when one types in a message to send to the person they are chatting to. Zina of the eyes is reading any message from the person and lastly zina of the mind is thinking about the person.

Imam Dhahabi Rahimahullah mentions in Kitabul Kaba'ir that the Messenger of Allah (May peace and blessings be upon him) said, "In the Hell-Fire there is a valley in which contains serpents. Each serpent is as fat as a camel's neck.When it stings the one who does not pray, it's poison boils in his abode for seventy years and then his flesh is torn out. There is also a valley called the well of Hazan (suffering) which contains serpents and scorpions. Each scorpion is as huge as a mule and has seventy spines. Each spine ends in a poisonous edge. Then, it strikes the adulterer and sprays poison in his body. The adulterer suffers from this painful poison for a thousand years. Then his flesh is torn out and pus flows from his genitals.”

One specific ploy used by people who want to make an excuse to chat to the opposite sex, is to refer to them as their 'brother' and 'sister.' Does this really convince you that what you are doing is islamically acceptable? Yes, every Muslim is a brother and sister to one another, but these so called brothers and sisters of ours are people who we can marry, hence the ruling of it being forbidden.

Neither does the excuse of being 'friends' work because such a thing as friends between a non-mehram man and a woman exist in Islam.

However, there is a type of communication in Islam that is permitted. This is the contact between a non-mehram man and woman who communicate for the sake of Islam. But please note only in extreme cases of necessity. Those whose sole purpose is to gain knowledge for the betterment of their own Imaan, as well as the entire Ummah.

Truly, this can be seen taking place at the time of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) and his blessed companions (may Allah be pleased with them). The Mother of the Believers, hazrat Aishah (radiallahu anha) has related many hadiths to inform the Ummah of the blessed ways of our Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him). These hadiths were asked by the noble companions of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) upon which hazrat Aishah used to reply behind a screen in the most modest manner. Yes, indeed this is a perfect example that clearly shows such communication is permitted in Islam.

However, I ask you, what has become of us today? We use this very excuse of propagating Islam and instead misuse it to suit our desires. Yes, once in a while an Islamic issue may crop up but other times? Other times, readers we are involved in deep conversations be it MSN, Hi5, Facebook or any other way, we are involved in many hours of zina. What is the need in speaking to a non-mehram about personal issues, about petty issues which are simply not necessary?

Of course one may say 'my intentions are pure', truly I do not doubt that for one moment. However, all would agree that Shaytaan makes it a duty upon himself to convert these intentions to please him. Muslims are urged in the Qur'an,

'Do not even go close to fornication. It is indeed a shameful act, and an evil way to follow.'

"Do not go near indecent deeds open or secret."

"Say to believing men that they should lower their gaze..."

We notice that not only has Zina been prohibited. Allah has also prohibited the channels that lead to Zina such as idle chatting, touching, kissing etc; the slightest bit of temptation is eliminated from the start, before anything even takes place.

I’d like to apply this same aspect to internet chatting. Readers do not even go near unnecessary chatting between non-mehrams on the internet for this is the path leading to zina. We are mere mortals, we cannot always control our desires. It may begin as an 'Islamic issue' but result in zina.

I would like to end by asking, what do we derive from long hours of conversations or even merely keeping in contact with a guy/girl? Yes, it is a form of pass-time, or maybe we think it to be 'fun' and lastly, and most definitely we derive pleasure out of it. I ask you, what is our pleasure in comparison to that of the displeasure of Allah (subhanu wa ta’la)? What is our comfort in comparison to that of the discomfort and pain of our Blessed Prophet Muhammad (may eternal peace and blessings be upon him)?

Is it fair, that this very Prophet who experienced such hardships and pain for the sake of his Ummah to remain strong on his/her Imaan, so that Allah may grant his Ummah salvation from hell, this very Prophet's teachings are being torn to shreds. Do we feel even the slightest bit of remorse?

However let me stress, I do not wish to dishearten any of you. If you have used MSN or are using it for the purpose of chatting to guys/girls whom you are not supposed to, then this is your chance to repent and seek forgiveness. Allah is the Most Merciful and truly you shall be forgiven if your repentance is sincere. However, also remember that you must make the intention of not continuing with this sinful act in future.

The next time you are confronted by a non-mehram man/woman on MSN whom you must not be chatting to then control your inner, worldly desires by not responding and instantly deleting such a person from your list. Yes, it is hard and surely you will have to struggle for it but keep in mind that this sacrifice is solely for your own benefit.

In conclusion I would like to say that this post is not directed at a specific individual, but rather to the entire Ummah as a whole. I would like to apologise if I may have said anything that has caused any one of you readers to feel offended. This is not my attempt to be judgmental but rather I am placing a genuine concern before you, I pray that this entry creates an awareness of the evils of men and women chatting online. I pray that Allah gives me and all you readers the hidayah to practice upon what has been said.

Jazakumullahu khairan for taking your time out to read, it now lies upon yourselves whether you choose to practice upon what has been said.

Wassalamu ‘alaykum warahmatullah