'How To Behave Like A Real Princess'

Bismillahir-Rahmanir-Raheem.

Assalaamu’alaykum Wa’rahmatulahi Wa’barakatahu my dear and respected brothers and sisters!!!

After pondering day after day after day about what I shall make my next post about I came to no success, for everything I thought of just did not feel right.

Amongst other posts, the message of exams already put across as well as moving on to a new chapter of our lives and so forth. So alas with no ideas I thought I would clean out my room. After all it really needed sorting out, as me any my sister had really had enough tripping over my philosophy folder and stumping our feet on my psychology books. So I thought that is what I’ll do for now.

Upon bringing all my work from my room, downstairs to the spare room, it came to my attention that even the spare room was in such a state! So I thought I have to clear this up as well otherwise I have no where to put my work. And that is when Alhumdulilah inspiration struck.

I came across a book my beloved father had gifted to me as a child, and upon finding it memories came flooding back of my childhood, and how a huge portion of it was spent…wanting to be a PRINCESS!

The book was part of the collection of Anastasia books, titled: ‘How to behave like a princess’. Stupid as I felt and thinking ‘I have no idea why I’m flicking through this’ it came to my attention that subhan’Allah, how our culture in the west is filled with fooling and corrupting the young children of our Ummah, giving young girls false hope, and the wrong ideas of life, romance and yep…PRINCE CHARMING.

As I read on “…a real princess never plays with the same toys twice…she has new ones delivered everyday”…“a real princess should ALWAYS dress like a princess…she must have dozens of wardrobes filled with elegant gowns and glittering tiaras”…“a proper princess will host wonderful parties.” …“a real princess does not wear the same clothes twice.” She lives in her castle, waiting for Prince Charming or her Knight in shinning armour to rescue her pretty self.

The more I read, the more this book began to sound like something out of Brother Baba Ali’s marriage video from Ummah Films. Many sisters, acting just like this princess, just like this damsel in distress, waiting for her knight in shinning armour to battle the fire breathing dragon, climb the tall tower and whisk her away into an happily ever after. If any of you have seen Shrek 2, it is exactly how the film starts with Prince Charming’s adventurous journey for his bride to be.

Subhan’Allah wa bi Hamdi! But if one looks at the REAL GEMS, the REAL PRINCES and PRINCESSES of the dunya and the hereafter, the Sahabah, the Prophet Muhammad Sallallahu ‘Alayhi Wa Sallam and the Umm ul’Mu’mineen, this absurd notion the west portray was not their conduct at all!!!

This question is for the sisters, be honest how many fairy tales have you seen as a child, how many times did you fink ‘Where’s my prince charming?’

Brothers, how many cartoons of superheroes did you watch and think ‘that’s gonna be me in the future, and I will be saving a pretty woman too who will be my wife’ ???

As insignificant as it may seem, what’s the harm, there only cartoons right? No! Many a times I myself have spoken to sisters looking for a spouse in marriage, and they have such deluded ideas of what marriage is like. They really are waiting for Mr Perfect to come falling into their laps!!

How many narrations are there of A’ishah radi Allahu Anha, playing with her dolls with her friends, and the Prophet Muhammad Sallallahu ‘Alayhi Wa Sallam would join in on young A’ishah’s play and games. Yet she did not complain and throw a tantrum for more dolls. One famous parable is when the Prophet Sallallahu ‘Alayhi Wa Sallam went to A’ishah’s room on the day of Id-Ul-Adha, to find A’ishah playing a game that the prophet had not seen before, when he asked her what she was playing, A’ishah replied ‘this is Solomon’s horses’ upon which the prophet Sallallahu ‘Alayhi Wa Sallam smiled.

Subhan’Allah, even when the children of the Ummah in the past played with their toys and gave performances, it was in relation to Islam and Allah’s Prophets and Messengers. A’ishah’s play, that same day the Abysinnians performance of the Battle of Badr, and Allahu’Alim how many other such plays.
Yes, plays related to Islam, not Barbie being looked away in her big Barbie house by her step-mother, and Ken climbing up to Barbie’s room to save her. (Or is it Blaine now, ‘cos apparently Barbie dumped Ken! More absurdity!!!)

As for the dress of our beloved Prophet Sallallahu ‘Alayhi Wa Sallam, the Sahabah, the Sahabiyaat, and the Tabi’een. Subhan’Allah so humble were they, that they only had enough cloth to shroud themselves and their families. They indulged in no extravagance nor squandering of money. So that means they didn’t have any designer jilbaabs and jubbas and so forth! (Subhan’Allah Chanel and Dior have themselves come out with designer jilbaabs!!!)

A parable of Ali Radi Allahu Anhu comes to mind, after Ali Radi Allah Anhu had passed away. Mu’awiyah bin Abu Sufyan Radi Allahu Anhu went to Dirar bin Damrah and asked him to describe Ali Radi Allahu Anhu to him.

After much deliberation and Mu’awiyah refusing to excuse Dirar, in a long citation Dirar said: “…He showed a liking to coarse garments and lower-quality food.”
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Dirar also said: “I swear by Allah, that on certain occasions, I saw him (Ali) in his place of prayer when the night was dark and few stars could be seen; he would be holding his beard and crying the way a very sad person cries; and I would hear him saying, ‘O World, O World, are you offering yourself to me? Do you desire me? Never! Never! Deceive someone other than me. I have divorced you for the third time, so that you cannot return to me!”
[The author of the book adds: Ali is speaking metaphorically, alluding to the fact that in Islam, the third divorce is final, whereas in the case of the first or second divorce, a man may take his wife back.]
[Sifatus-Safwah 1/66 & Hilyatul-Awliya’ 1/84-85]

Subhan’Allah Wa Bi Hamdi! The cousin of the blessed Muhammad Sallallahu ‘Alayhi Wa Sallam himself, his (Sallallahu 'Alayhi Wa Sallam) son-in-law, and Sahabi. A true prince indeed! And even the status of princehood seems so common when talking about the Messenger of Allah Sallallahu ‘Alayhi Wa Sallam and his companions!

Yet this man, this true prince, showed a liking to coarse, crude, and rough garments over the finer, yet indeed he is more deserving to be dressed in the finer fabrics of the dunya. Ali preferred foods of inferior and lower quality though his sacrifices make him more worthy to be fed with the best of best!
These are the ‘How to…’ guides we should be reading, preaching, learning from and giving to others.

However as we learn from the Qur’an and the Sunnah, it is much more worth its weight to be the Kings and Queens in Jannah forever, over this temporary and short life. My sisters desire to be the Queens of Jannah beside your spouse with command over his Hoor Al’Ayn.

In another lengthy parable of Malik bin Dinar preaching to a King in which he described the worth of the Hoor Al’Ayn in comparison to the women of the Dunya, (this should get us off our high horse!) Malik said: “If mixed with salty water, her spit will make that water fresh and sweet. If a dead person is invited by her speech, he will answer her. If her shirt is put beside the sun, the sun will seem to be a dark object. If her sweat falls onto the earth, it will be like perfume on it. She is sweet-smelling, with beautiful eyes, and a flirtatious nature for her male companion only. And she passionately loves her male companion. Her beauty never changes; she never becomes unfaithful; and her love is everlasting.”
[Bahrud-Damu’ Pg. 91-93]

Subhan’Allah Wa Bi Hamdi, and that description is just of the male’s maidens in Jannah, so imagine what will be the status of his Queen???

Western culture will have you belive being a prince/princess is all about the amount of wealth one has accumulated, however Allah azz wa Jall indeed Might and Majesty belongs to Him clearly has stated in the Qur’an:
“Woe to every slander, and backbiter, He who gathers wealth and counts it.” [104:1-2]
Rather than accumulating wealth, the Sahabah and sahabiyat fought and competed with each other to give as much as they could. We all know of the many a times noted parable of ‘Umar trying to beat Abu Bakr in giving provisions in the path of Allah. ‘Umar bought a half of all that which he owned, leaving exactly a half for his family, but Abu Bakr surpassed ‘Umar by contributing ALL of what he owned, leaving for his family Allah and His Messenger Sallallahu ‘Alayhi Wa Sallam alone, such was his belief and reliance upon Allah.

Subhan’Allah Wa Bi Hamdi! This is not all! A’ishah Radi Allahu Anha, one of the wives of the Prophet Sallallahu ‘Alayhi Wa Sallam not only in this life, but also in the hereafter, a true Queen indeed, yet look at how humbly this Queen spent her life. Urwah Radi Allahu Anha narrated: “I once saw A’ishah Radi Allahu Anha spending 70 000 dirhams in charity, while she herself was wearing a dress with patches.”

Yet subhan’Allah, we feel pain at giving even 1 penny in charity, whilst we ourselves have our own wardrobes and bellies filled with provisions!

And what of Khadija Radi Allahu Anha, a very wealthy woman from her previous marriage, she did not spend her wealth hoarding sparkling tiaras, rather she spent all of her wealth in the way of Allah, supporting the Muslims and the Messenger of Allah Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Sallam in the early days of Islam through the Quraysh’s continous persecutions, spending to the spread the message of her husband, helping to free slaves who had embraced Islam and feeding and sheltering the community of muslims that was growing slowly but surely in numbers and strength.

Humility and humbleness is not the only trait we can learn from the Umm Ul’Mu’mineen, my sisters there is much we can adopt from the Mothers of the believers, one of which is eloquence. Too often do sisters ignore this beautiful trait and opt for being ‘rowdy’, ‘loud-mouthed’ or the ‘in your face’ characteristic, with even their speech being from a trait of the western disbelievers (i.e. colloquial slang).

Musa ibn Talha Radi Allahu Anhu, once said: “I have not seen anyone more eloquent than A’ishah” (Radi Allahu Anha).
And indeed eloquence in a woman (AND in a man) is a worthy trait often overlooked. People often speak of seeking a spouse who is attractive and beautiful, and subhan’Allah eloquence enhances one’s physical and internal beauty. And many narrations of the Prophet Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Sallam are a testament to this, as he himself (Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Sallam) was so eloquent in behaviour and mannerisms, making him so awe-inspiring, even to the disbelievers in his blessed presence.

Other qualities found in the Umm Ul’Mu’mineen, are as A’ishah Radi Allahu Anha described Zaynab bint Jahsh Radi Allahu Anha: “I have never seen a woman so pure as Zaynab, so God-fearing, so truthful, so attentive to family ties, so generous, so self-sacrificing in everyday life, so charitable, and thus so close to Allah, The Exalted.”

One last example, from the best of creation himself. His (Sallallahu ‘Alayhi Wa Sallam) humbleness clear in the below parable, and ‘Umar Radi Allahu Anhu could not have termed his distress any more better than he did. It is related by ‘Umar (Radi Allahu Anhu) that he went to visit the Prophet Sallallahu ‘Alayhi Wa Sallam, who was staying alone in a small upper room, in order to find out what was happening [the period when the companions did not know if the prophet had divorced his wives or not, over a marital problem].

After been given permission to enter, ‘Umar climbed up the ladder and into the small room: “I visited the Messenger of Allah Sallallahu ‘Alayhi Wa Sallam and he was lying on a mat. I sat down and he drew up his lower garment over him. He had nothing else on, and the mat had left its marks on his sides. I looked around at what stores the Messenger of Allah Sallallahu ‘Alayhi Wa Sallam had, and saw only a handful of barley equal to one Sa’ and an equal amount of mimosa leaves in the corner of the room and a tanned leather bag hanging nearby, and I was moved to tears.”

He (Sallallahu ‘Alayhi Wa Sallam) said, “Ibn al-Khattab, what is making you cry?” and I replied, “O Messenger of Allah, how can I not cry? This mat has left marks on your sides and I can only see what I have seen of your stores. Caesar and Chosroes are leading their lives of plenty, while you are the Messenger of Allah, His Chosen One, and look what you have!”

Subhan’Allah Wa Bi Hamdi!! What grief at the state of the Messenger of Allah, yet do we even shed one tear, upon hearing the trials and tests he (Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Sallam) faced?!!!
And subhan’Allah look at the beautiful and soothing reassurance of the Messenger of Allah!!!

“Ibn al-Khattab,” He (Sallallahu 'Alayhi Wa Sallam) answered, “Isn’t it enough for you that for us there is the next world, and for them there is this world?”

“Yes.” I said.
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These narrations and parables are only a fraction of the large amount of knowledge there is available to us, Insha’Allah I hope this post serves as a reminder to firstly myself and then to you, of how the real princes and princesses of Islam, how the real gems behaved and conducted their manners. And insha’Allah I make du’a we can imitate these blessed qualities, ameen.
With Ramadhan coming in just over a months time (5 weeks), what an excellent time to try and improve ourselves to be better Muslims and better slaves of Allah, The All-Mighty, insha’Allah.

“O Allah! Make the months of Rajab and Sha’baan blessed for us, and let us reach the month of Ramadhan.”
[Narrated by At-Tabarani & Ahmad]
Ameen, Ameen, Ameen!!!

Please Forgive me for my mistakes and hide my faults insha’Allah, Jazak’Allah Khayr. Wassalaam!