'How To Behave Like A Real Princess'

Bismillahir-Rahmanir-Raheem.

Assalaamu’alaykum Wa’rahmatulahi Wa’barakatahu my dear and respected brothers and sisters!!!

After pondering day after day after day about what I shall make my next post about I came to no success, for everything I thought of just did not feel right.

Amongst other posts, the message of exams already put across as well as moving on to a new chapter of our lives and so forth. So alas with no ideas I thought I would clean out my room. After all it really needed sorting out, as me any my sister had really had enough tripping over my philosophy folder and stumping our feet on my psychology books. So I thought that is what I’ll do for now.

Upon bringing all my work from my room, downstairs to the spare room, it came to my attention that even the spare room was in such a state! So I thought I have to clear this up as well otherwise I have no where to put my work. And that is when Alhumdulilah inspiration struck.

I came across a book my beloved father had gifted to me as a child, and upon finding it memories came flooding back of my childhood, and how a huge portion of it was spent…wanting to be a PRINCESS!

The book was part of the collection of Anastasia books, titled: ‘How to behave like a princess’. Stupid as I felt and thinking ‘I have no idea why I’m flicking through this’ it came to my attention that subhan’Allah, how our culture in the west is filled with fooling and corrupting the young children of our Ummah, giving young girls false hope, and the wrong ideas of life, romance and yep…PRINCE CHARMING.

As I read on “…a real princess never plays with the same toys twice…she has new ones delivered everyday”…“a real princess should ALWAYS dress like a princess…she must have dozens of wardrobes filled with elegant gowns and glittering tiaras”…“a proper princess will host wonderful parties.” …“a real princess does not wear the same clothes twice.” She lives in her castle, waiting for Prince Charming or her Knight in shinning armour to rescue her pretty self.

The more I read, the more this book began to sound like something out of Brother Baba Ali’s marriage video from Ummah Films. Many sisters, acting just like this princess, just like this damsel in distress, waiting for her knight in shinning armour to battle the fire breathing dragon, climb the tall tower and whisk her away into an happily ever after. If any of you have seen Shrek 2, it is exactly how the film starts with Prince Charming’s adventurous journey for his bride to be.

Subhan’Allah wa bi Hamdi! But if one looks at the REAL GEMS, the REAL PRINCES and PRINCESSES of the dunya and the hereafter, the Sahabah, the Prophet Muhammad Sallallahu ‘Alayhi Wa Sallam and the Umm ul’Mu’mineen, this absurd notion the west portray was not their conduct at all!!!

This question is for the sisters, be honest how many fairy tales have you seen as a child, how many times did you fink ‘Where’s my prince charming?’

Brothers, how many cartoons of superheroes did you watch and think ‘that’s gonna be me in the future, and I will be saving a pretty woman too who will be my wife’ ???

As insignificant as it may seem, what’s the harm, there only cartoons right? No! Many a times I myself have spoken to sisters looking for a spouse in marriage, and they have such deluded ideas of what marriage is like. They really are waiting for Mr Perfect to come falling into their laps!!

How many narrations are there of A’ishah radi Allahu Anha, playing with her dolls with her friends, and the Prophet Muhammad Sallallahu ‘Alayhi Wa Sallam would join in on young A’ishah’s play and games. Yet she did not complain and throw a tantrum for more dolls. One famous parable is when the Prophet Sallallahu ‘Alayhi Wa Sallam went to A’ishah’s room on the day of Id-Ul-Adha, to find A’ishah playing a game that the prophet had not seen before, when he asked her what she was playing, A’ishah replied ‘this is Solomon’s horses’ upon which the prophet Sallallahu ‘Alayhi Wa Sallam smiled.

Subhan’Allah, even when the children of the Ummah in the past played with their toys and gave performances, it was in relation to Islam and Allah’s Prophets and Messengers. A’ishah’s play, that same day the Abysinnians performance of the Battle of Badr, and Allahu’Alim how many other such plays.
Yes, plays related to Islam, not Barbie being looked away in her big Barbie house by her step-mother, and Ken climbing up to Barbie’s room to save her. (Or is it Blaine now, ‘cos apparently Barbie dumped Ken! More absurdity!!!)

As for the dress of our beloved Prophet Sallallahu ‘Alayhi Wa Sallam, the Sahabah, the Sahabiyaat, and the Tabi’een. Subhan’Allah so humble were they, that they only had enough cloth to shroud themselves and their families. They indulged in no extravagance nor squandering of money. So that means they didn’t have any designer jilbaabs and jubbas and so forth! (Subhan’Allah Chanel and Dior have themselves come out with designer jilbaabs!!!)

A parable of Ali Radi Allahu Anhu comes to mind, after Ali Radi Allah Anhu had passed away. Mu’awiyah bin Abu Sufyan Radi Allahu Anhu went to Dirar bin Damrah and asked him to describe Ali Radi Allahu Anhu to him.

After much deliberation and Mu’awiyah refusing to excuse Dirar, in a long citation Dirar said: “…He showed a liking to coarse garments and lower-quality food.”
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Dirar also said: “I swear by Allah, that on certain occasions, I saw him (Ali) in his place of prayer when the night was dark and few stars could be seen; he would be holding his beard and crying the way a very sad person cries; and I would hear him saying, ‘O World, O World, are you offering yourself to me? Do you desire me? Never! Never! Deceive someone other than me. I have divorced you for the third time, so that you cannot return to me!”
[The author of the book adds: Ali is speaking metaphorically, alluding to the fact that in Islam, the third divorce is final, whereas in the case of the first or second divorce, a man may take his wife back.]
[Sifatus-Safwah 1/66 & Hilyatul-Awliya’ 1/84-85]

Subhan’Allah Wa Bi Hamdi! The cousin of the blessed Muhammad Sallallahu ‘Alayhi Wa Sallam himself, his (Sallallahu 'Alayhi Wa Sallam) son-in-law, and Sahabi. A true prince indeed! And even the status of princehood seems so common when talking about the Messenger of Allah Sallallahu ‘Alayhi Wa Sallam and his companions!

Yet this man, this true prince, showed a liking to coarse, crude, and rough garments over the finer, yet indeed he is more deserving to be dressed in the finer fabrics of the dunya. Ali preferred foods of inferior and lower quality though his sacrifices make him more worthy to be fed with the best of best!
These are the ‘How to…’ guides we should be reading, preaching, learning from and giving to others.

However as we learn from the Qur’an and the Sunnah, it is much more worth its weight to be the Kings and Queens in Jannah forever, over this temporary and short life. My sisters desire to be the Queens of Jannah beside your spouse with command over his Hoor Al’Ayn.

In another lengthy parable of Malik bin Dinar preaching to a King in which he described the worth of the Hoor Al’Ayn in comparison to the women of the Dunya, (this should get us off our high horse!) Malik said: “If mixed with salty water, her spit will make that water fresh and sweet. If a dead person is invited by her speech, he will answer her. If her shirt is put beside the sun, the sun will seem to be a dark object. If her sweat falls onto the earth, it will be like perfume on it. She is sweet-smelling, with beautiful eyes, and a flirtatious nature for her male companion only. And she passionately loves her male companion. Her beauty never changes; she never becomes unfaithful; and her love is everlasting.”
[Bahrud-Damu’ Pg. 91-93]

Subhan’Allah Wa Bi Hamdi, and that description is just of the male’s maidens in Jannah, so imagine what will be the status of his Queen???

Western culture will have you belive being a prince/princess is all about the amount of wealth one has accumulated, however Allah azz wa Jall indeed Might and Majesty belongs to Him clearly has stated in the Qur’an:
“Woe to every slander, and backbiter, He who gathers wealth and counts it.” [104:1-2]
Rather than accumulating wealth, the Sahabah and sahabiyat fought and competed with each other to give as much as they could. We all know of the many a times noted parable of ‘Umar trying to beat Abu Bakr in giving provisions in the path of Allah. ‘Umar bought a half of all that which he owned, leaving exactly a half for his family, but Abu Bakr surpassed ‘Umar by contributing ALL of what he owned, leaving for his family Allah and His Messenger Sallallahu ‘Alayhi Wa Sallam alone, such was his belief and reliance upon Allah.

Subhan’Allah Wa Bi Hamdi! This is not all! A’ishah Radi Allahu Anha, one of the wives of the Prophet Sallallahu ‘Alayhi Wa Sallam not only in this life, but also in the hereafter, a true Queen indeed, yet look at how humbly this Queen spent her life. Urwah Radi Allahu Anha narrated: “I once saw A’ishah Radi Allahu Anha spending 70 000 dirhams in charity, while she herself was wearing a dress with patches.”

Yet subhan’Allah, we feel pain at giving even 1 penny in charity, whilst we ourselves have our own wardrobes and bellies filled with provisions!

And what of Khadija Radi Allahu Anha, a very wealthy woman from her previous marriage, she did not spend her wealth hoarding sparkling tiaras, rather she spent all of her wealth in the way of Allah, supporting the Muslims and the Messenger of Allah Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Sallam in the early days of Islam through the Quraysh’s continous persecutions, spending to the spread the message of her husband, helping to free slaves who had embraced Islam and feeding and sheltering the community of muslims that was growing slowly but surely in numbers and strength.

Humility and humbleness is not the only trait we can learn from the Umm Ul’Mu’mineen, my sisters there is much we can adopt from the Mothers of the believers, one of which is eloquence. Too often do sisters ignore this beautiful trait and opt for being ‘rowdy’, ‘loud-mouthed’ or the ‘in your face’ characteristic, with even their speech being from a trait of the western disbelievers (i.e. colloquial slang).

Musa ibn Talha Radi Allahu Anhu, once said: “I have not seen anyone more eloquent than A’ishah” (Radi Allahu Anha).
And indeed eloquence in a woman (AND in a man) is a worthy trait often overlooked. People often speak of seeking a spouse who is attractive and beautiful, and subhan’Allah eloquence enhances one’s physical and internal beauty. And many narrations of the Prophet Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Sallam are a testament to this, as he himself (Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Sallam) was so eloquent in behaviour and mannerisms, making him so awe-inspiring, even to the disbelievers in his blessed presence.

Other qualities found in the Umm Ul’Mu’mineen, are as A’ishah Radi Allahu Anha described Zaynab bint Jahsh Radi Allahu Anha: “I have never seen a woman so pure as Zaynab, so God-fearing, so truthful, so attentive to family ties, so generous, so self-sacrificing in everyday life, so charitable, and thus so close to Allah, The Exalted.”

One last example, from the best of creation himself. His (Sallallahu ‘Alayhi Wa Sallam) humbleness clear in the below parable, and ‘Umar Radi Allahu Anhu could not have termed his distress any more better than he did. It is related by ‘Umar (Radi Allahu Anhu) that he went to visit the Prophet Sallallahu ‘Alayhi Wa Sallam, who was staying alone in a small upper room, in order to find out what was happening [the period when the companions did not know if the prophet had divorced his wives or not, over a marital problem].

After been given permission to enter, ‘Umar climbed up the ladder and into the small room: “I visited the Messenger of Allah Sallallahu ‘Alayhi Wa Sallam and he was lying on a mat. I sat down and he drew up his lower garment over him. He had nothing else on, and the mat had left its marks on his sides. I looked around at what stores the Messenger of Allah Sallallahu ‘Alayhi Wa Sallam had, and saw only a handful of barley equal to one Sa’ and an equal amount of mimosa leaves in the corner of the room and a tanned leather bag hanging nearby, and I was moved to tears.”

He (Sallallahu ‘Alayhi Wa Sallam) said, “Ibn al-Khattab, what is making you cry?” and I replied, “O Messenger of Allah, how can I not cry? This mat has left marks on your sides and I can only see what I have seen of your stores. Caesar and Chosroes are leading their lives of plenty, while you are the Messenger of Allah, His Chosen One, and look what you have!”

Subhan’Allah Wa Bi Hamdi!! What grief at the state of the Messenger of Allah, yet do we even shed one tear, upon hearing the trials and tests he (Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Sallam) faced?!!!
And subhan’Allah look at the beautiful and soothing reassurance of the Messenger of Allah!!!

“Ibn al-Khattab,” He (Sallallahu 'Alayhi Wa Sallam) answered, “Isn’t it enough for you that for us there is the next world, and for them there is this world?”

“Yes.” I said.
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These narrations and parables are only a fraction of the large amount of knowledge there is available to us, Insha’Allah I hope this post serves as a reminder to firstly myself and then to you, of how the real princes and princesses of Islam, how the real gems behaved and conducted their manners. And insha’Allah I make du’a we can imitate these blessed qualities, ameen.
With Ramadhan coming in just over a months time (5 weeks), what an excellent time to try and improve ourselves to be better Muslims and better slaves of Allah, The All-Mighty, insha’Allah.

“O Allah! Make the months of Rajab and Sha’baan blessed for us, and let us reach the month of Ramadhan.”
[Narrated by At-Tabarani & Ahmad]
Ameen, Ameen, Ameen!!!

Please Forgive me for my mistakes and hide my faults insha’Allah, Jazak’Allah Khayr. Wassalaam!

A Letter From a Christian Woman...

Bismillahir-Rahmanir-Raheem,
Assalaamu'alaikum Wa'rahmatulahi Wa'barkatahu, dear respected brothers and sisters.

Below is an email that was sent to me from another sister (may Allah reward her efforts, ameen), it may seem long, but subhan'Allah a LOT can be learnt from this woman's words.
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A Letter from a Christian to a Muslim Woman By Joanna Francis*Writer, Journalist – USA

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Between the Israeli assault on Lebanon and the Zionist "War on Terror," the Muslim world is now center stage in every home. I see the carnage, death and destruction that have befallen Lebanon, but I also see something else: I see you. I see that though you are dressed modestly, your beauty still shines through. But it's not just outer beauty that I notice. I also notice that I feel something strange inside me: I feel envy. I feel terrible for the horrible experiences and war crimes that the Lebanese people have suffered, being targeted by our common enemy. But I can't help but admire your strength, your beauty, your modesty, and most of all, your happiness.

Yes, it's strange, but it occurred to me that even under constant bombardment, you still seemed happier than we are, because you are still living the natural lives of women. The way women have always lived since the beginning of time. It used to be that way in the West until the 1960s, until we were bombarded by the same enemy, only we were not bombarded with weapons but with subtle trickery and moral corruption.

Temptation…
They bombarded us from Hollywood; they would like to bomb you in this way too, after they've finished bombing your countries. I do not want this to happen to you. You will feel degraded, just like we do. Because everything you see coming out of Hollywood is a pack of lies, a distortion of reality, smoke and mirrors. Presenting casual sex as a harmless pastime because they aim to destroy the moral fabric of the societies into which they beam their poisonous programming. I beg you not to drink their poison. There is no antidote for it once you have consumed it. You will never be the same. Better to avoid the poison altogether than to try to heal from the damage it causes.

They will tempt you with movies and music videos, falsely portraying us American women as happy and satisfied, proud of dressing like we do, and content without families. Most of us are not happy. Millions of us are on anti-depressant medication, hate our jobs, and cry at night over the men who told us they loved us, then greedily used us and walked away. They would like to destroy your families and convince you to have fewer children, by presenting marriage as a form of slavery, motherhood as a curse, and being modest and pure as old-fashioned. They want you to cheapen yourself and lose your faith. They are like the Serpent tempting Eve with the apple. DON’T BITE.

Self-Value…
You are precious gems, pure gold, or the "pearl of great value" spoken of in the Bible (Matthew 13: 45). All women are pearls of great value, but some of us have been deceived into doubting the value of our purity. Jesus said: "Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend [slit, rip] you" (Matthew 7: 6). Our pearls are priceless, but they convince us that they're cheap. But trust me; there is no substitute for being able to look in the mirror and seeing purity, innocence and self-respect staring back at you.

The fashions coming out of the West are designed to make you believe that your most valuable asset is your sexuality. But your beautiful dresses and veils are actually sexier than any Western fashion, because they cloak you in mystery and show self-respect and confidence. A woman's sexuality should be guarded from unworthy eyes, since it should be your gift to the man who loves and respects you enough to marry you. And since your men are still manly warriors, they deserve no less than your best. Our men don't even want purity anymore. They don't recognize the pearl of great value, opting for the flashy rhinestone instead. Only to leave her too! Your most valuable assets are your inner beauty, your innocence, and everything that makes you who you are. But I notice that some Muslim women push the limit and try to be as Western as possible, even while wearing a veil (with some of their hair showing). Why imitate women who already regret their lost virtue? There is no compensation for that loss. You are flawless diamonds. Don't let them trick you into becoming rhinestones. Because everything you see in the fashion magazines and on TV is a lie. It is Satan's trap. It is fool's gold.

A Woman's Heart…
I’ll let you in on a secret, pre-marital sex is not even that great. We gave our bodies to the men we were “in love” with, believing that, that was the way to make them love us and want to marry us, just as we had seen on TV growing up. But without the security of marriage and the sure knowledge that he will always stay with us. It’s not even enjoyable! That’s the irony! It was just a waste! It leaves you in tears.

Only a woman can truly understand what's in another woman's heart. We really are all alike. Our race, religion or nationalities do not matter. A woman's heart is the same everywhere. We love. That's what we do best. We nurture our families and give comfort and strength to the men we love. But we have been fooled into believing that we are happiest having careers, our own homes in which to live alone, and freedom to give our love away to whomever we choose. That is not freedom. And that is not love. Only in the safe haven of marriage can a woman's body and heart be safe to love. Don't settle for anything less. It's not worth it. You won't even like it and you'll like yourself even less afterwards. Then he'll leave you.

Self-Denial…
Sin never pays. It always cheats you. There's no substitute for having been dishonored in the first place. We have been brainwashed into thinking that Muslim women are oppressed. But truly, we are the ones who are oppressed; slaves to fashions that degrade us, obsessed with our weight, begging for love from men who do not want to grow up. Deep down inside, we know that we have been cheated. We secretly admire and envy you, although we will not admit it. Please do not look down on us or think that we like things the way they are. It's not our fault. Most of us when we were young, our families have been destroyed. You know who is behind this plot. Don't be fooled, my sisters. Don't let them get you too. Stay innocent and pure. We women need to see what life is really supposed to be like for women. We need you to set the example for us, because we are lost. Hold onto your purity. Remember, you can't put the toothpaste back in the tube. So guard your "toothpaste" carefully!

I hope you receive this advice in the spirit in which it is intended; the spirit of friendship, respect, and admiration.

From your Christian sister "With Love"
----------------------------------------- * This article is republished with the kind permission of the author. Joanna Francis is a writer and journalist and she manages her own blog.
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Subhan’Allah wa bi Hamdi, my dear sisters, indeed, we have all been mislead by the dunya and its temptations, with the aid of media and fashion amongst other things. Indeed this Deen of ours has come complete.

Giving women the rights and honour they deserve to be given. Modesty is the natural fitrah (disposition) women were created with, yet the media and the fashion industries have pumped society with lewdness, filth and all kinds of corruption, destroying the purity and innocence of women. Let us not be sheep my dear sisters and follow the western crowd, we have our own identity as Muslimaat (Muslim women), our own values and our own way of life.

Islam was sent down more than 1400 years ago perfect, it was perfect then, it is perfect now and it will remain perfect. The society will not change for us, so why should we change for it?

Islam, is not a sexist religion in favour of our brothers, rather it is a moral way of life, in favour of the Abdullah (male servant of Allah) and Amatullah (female servant of Allah). At the end of the day, think of it this way my sisters,
The brothers go out to work cramped on the buses and trains like in a tin of sardines, whilst the sisters can sleep in, and wake up after her beauty sleep.
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The brothers do the same work day in, day out, whereas the sisters can do different chores and experiment with different types of cuisines.
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The brothers give their wives money and provisions, and the sisters/their wives simply go spending.
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The money of your husbands goes to contribute towards all the family, whereas you my dear sister can spend ALL your money on beautifying yourself and doing whatever you desire with it.
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The men may get more from inheritance then the women, but this must be spent in providing for his wife, parent, children, and sisters, whereas the women get their share alllll to themselves.
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The fathers have a degree of rights over the children by one, whereas the mothers have a degree of rights 3 times than that of the father.
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The men pray 24/7 including Jum’ah being fard, whereas the women get a break during their menses and Jum’ah is a Sunnah.
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It is better for Brothers to go to the Masjid to pray, in the cold, windy, snowy, rainy, weather, whereas it is a mercy from Allah that we as sisters can pray at home (and just laugh at those stuck outside, while we sit in our slippers next to the heater).
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So my dear sisters, is Islam really in favour of the men? Well I don’t know about you but I’m sure glad to be a woman!

Wassalaam.